“Every negative feeling we hold stems from the lack of self- love.”
Paul Ferrini, THE 12 STEPS OF FORGIVENESS
Self-love is a vital part of good self-esteem. When we talk about loving ourselves and honoring our feelings, we are not implying this should take place at the expense of others or in an egotistical manner. Rather, we want to respect ourselves, because all human beings are valuable and precious, including us. Self-esteem is the foundation of life coaching. As a professional life coach, I am always looking for self-esteem issues that may surface with my clients. I often suggest clients check in with themselves, by asking the following questions internally:
- Do I value myself?
- Am I honest with myself and with others?
- Do I maintain good physical and psychological balance and boundaries in my daily life?
- Do I take responsibility for my actions and their consequences?
- Am I able to show humility when it is appropriate?
- Am I able to forgive others and myself and move my life forward?
Only we know what decisions and actions feel right for us. Only we know how to best care for our physical and emotional well-being. What then keeps us from listening to our wise inner guidance and following its direction? When we feel negative about our life’s circumstances, we can then become alert to the thoughts and perceptions that we are creating in our mind. Any negative view of our life can cause us to experience unpleasant emotions. Low self-esteem is usually the main cause of our negative perceptions.
Paul Ferrini offers some advice that can be very helpful in shifting us out of negative emotions and negative self-love:
- Recognize the feeling.
- Do not justify or condemn the feeling.
- Allow the feeling to speak to you.
- Honor the feeling. It has an internal communication for you.
- Take complete responsibility for your feeling.
- Refuse the inclination to make anyone else responsible for it.
- As you feel the feeling, you can discover that you may not be very loving to yourself or another in that moment.
- Stay with the feeling, allowing this new insight to sink in. Next, the unhappy feeling will begin to shift, as you change your thoughts.
Ultimately, the missing self-love must be supplied by you. This is why it is never helpful to blame others or conditions in the world. If we can remember to choose love for others, and ourselves, we are making the healthiest choice for everyone!
From the teachings of Neale Donald Walch, Conversations With God Book 2:
“You are goodness and mercy, and compassion, and understanding.
You are peace, and joy and light, you are forgiveness and patience, strength and courage, a helper in a time of need, a comforter in a time of sorrow.
You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth, the greatest peace and the grandest love.
You are these things, and in moments of your life, you have known yourself as these things. Choose now, to know yourself as these things always!”
Interested in how a life coach can help you? Contact me and let’s set up a time talk today!